Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
