how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
