Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boobs speak an international language.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
