Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
