my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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