While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
