You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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