Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
