Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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