You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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