We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
