They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
