yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
