This is not my ceiling
I think my fart just growled at me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
