Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
