I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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