I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize