I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
