AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
