i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
