I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
