UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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