Cold hands, warm shart.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
