I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
