is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
