Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
