you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just threw up on my dentist
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
