loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
