Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
