I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
