They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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