I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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