...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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