the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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