I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
