Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
