that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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