Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
