home. puking in laundry basket.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
