It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
