Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
