I don't usually arrange sex via text message
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
