Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
