It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
