I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
