I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
