I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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