I think I died a long time ago.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
