I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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