i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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