The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
