He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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