I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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