when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
